viva la granjera

well folks, i'm going back to the land. it's funny how we live ahead of ourselves in different ways: both in the way that our egos try to dictate the future and in the way that our souls have already been there. moreover, if all this doesn't keep us out of the present moment, the stressing & waiting we do in the mean time does. i am left practically speechless (and humbled once again) as i come to the crash of my naive anticipation & the effortless merging with a truer path. maybe you just gotta see my eyes to understand but i have been in a real good place since yesterday.

this is all surrounding my decision to go live on a farm down toward santa cruz. green oaks creek grows organic vegetables for CSA and farmers markets. it's utilizing some permaculture concepts, but from what i can tell that's not necessarily the flag they wave. the ladies that are apprenticing there right now say it's pretty diy & self-propelled. the environment created by residents and workers alike is communal but still independent, which i like. there are chickens, there are yurts; it's just a farm. and i'm just gonna work on it. what moved me is the way the air is through the eucalyptus-lined driveway and how clearly one can see the stars and hear the sea lions at night and how carefully we seeded flats of broccoli and the way that conversation validates things like this and revolves around this partnership with the earth. i feel like everything shifted and unraveled and clicked and landed me there. but at the same time i was making the choices all along. it was like every stress that has been nesting in my nerves & every doubt or fear about my place in this moment dissipated when i asked myself how it would feel if i did this. although leaving the city feels slightly like i am giving up on something (because in a way i am) maybe it's more about choosing Bliss over forcing it. long story short: although my nature can adapt to many things, nothing beats what makes you laugh and feel light and whole. i am stoked that for me that thing apparently involves dirty toes and milking goats.