this is from the beginning.
but i am in puerto viejo, costa rica for a few days. halfway waiting to re-enter panama, halfway wondering what the hell i am going to do next. the permaculture dream is still alive, but a little more abstract, and a little less of a priority. i am pondering different things like buenos aires, cancun, or panama city. all places where jobs are practically waiting for me. homesickness drifts in and out of the days, but way less potent than a week back. writing every day has really carried me through and my self-counciling has convinced me that home is what you make of a place. plus, energy considered, all the love i need feels so close.
--edit 13 october
this is a charming town with dusty roads and howler monkeys at night. we are staying with a guy ned, who emmy from sabrina's cafe hooked us up with. his house is tucked back toward the forest on the way to playa cocles. the beaches are about the same. and by about the same, i mean as beautiful as it gets. but i'm still in the middle of a gringo playground and that makes me nauseous enough to stay in my hammock and read. my thoughts about working on a farm are changing a little bit, which scares me because i feel loyal to those plans, seeing as they got me down here and i have yet to really fulfill them. but, i'm going to let the thoughts and feelings change as they want to. part of me wants to sit with nature for a long, long time as a student, and part of me craves the city. the balance of the two is somewhere in there. i feel as if i'm floating through this a bit, defying the gravity of money and stress, and just sort of trusting in... something. either way, i feel good. i feel confident, even excited, about the future. if it's in the city, i see the art. if it's in the jungle, i can feel the lessons. i don't care about knowing which just yet. now, if you'll excuse me, i've got to go see a man about a big bag of 'natural'.