further from some things, but closer to herself

i feel a bit wary of not being social, like i haven't been, but if this is how the sun affects in response to days of solitude, i'm a believer. however i was thinking and have been feeling that more doing is due in my life. work wise, i think i am going to buckle down, and get ahead of myself (which is the only way i seem to get things done) in the kitchen bizz. cross your fingers in hope, or fold your hands in prayer, that this "thing" at work will happen. less ambiguity at a later date, i promise. personally, my great dream and deep conviction for traveling needs to be quenched for the meantime as the thinking that i could be in another place, when i actually am in this other place, well, that's just producing negative thoughts. and i find that once we give into our present like a feather to to the weight of gravity, well, that feels nice. and it's easier to be a good, productive, giving, loving person when you feel nice. so i have been trying to practice san francisco as a place of my dreams just as buenos aires might have been, or barcelona or berlin. and once my mind gets out of the mode of defence against unfulfillment, once you are brimming, well, i don't know what happens, but i know it is a good place and a place i want to be.