layers

it's.. interesting to think about where i am along side of where i've been, who i've been. it's weird to be a part of something new, and still a part of older things, with different, more distant people. it's refreshing (as it is challenging) to be around those who remind you of what you really care about. to stop talking about me and start listening. start reading. start doing, going. learning. some days i feel more alive than i should & some i feel like years have gone and will go by without any breeze of change. the world. is so huge. and people are wells. wells and oceans and expanses. we, each our own vacuum until death and therefore deflation. the question mark versus the comma. the step inbetween forward motion, movement, creation. i can't get enough of drowning myself in these concepts. i've decided to go to an urban sustainability intensive in austin this spring. read about the organization here: http://www.rhizomecollective.org/ this on top of the general integrety of living that happens here floors me. slows me. i've done this for much too long, but i could just sit in a corner and watch my friends live their lives and i would be happy. i don't think, though, that i've seen even the beginning of the implications of awareness at the levels i am persuing. i realize that time, space, people are different & different things are good for different people at different times. i think of this general vein of society, of our generation. i don't know. but i know that i'm just really excited to be here. it could be to the same affect as hundreds of persons all over the world. i'm just thankful. that we as humans have minds to stretch and choice. resources to learn from. hope & pressure points to grow us. people to grow us. i ache when i think about being away from jacq & bethany. i want to grow along side them so badly. but nobody's waiting for anyone around here. just sharing. and looking forward to the merging of our paths again. i confused and in love and slowed and spun and being birthed and killing off and re-seeing and re-learning.
;i am here.